Detroit City FC Announce Additional Kickstarter, "For $500 More We Can Just Buy Detroit"

Detroit, MI - Detroit City FC (DCFC) announced an additional kickstarter to their Keyworth stadium funding project with the stated goal of "Buy Detroit"

"For only a few dollars more you can own a giant metroplex!"

"For only a few dollars more you can own a giant metroplex!"

"We realized that we were realistically only $500 dollars away from being able to just purchase the city and then we would have eminent domain to build a soccer stadium wherever we wanted" said co-owner of Detroit City Sean Mann. "We would love to just be able to own Detroit both figuratively and literally so this seemed like a wise choice for our future."

The Nutmeg News interviewed Detroit City fan Clarissa Harden who stated, "I thought we already owned Detroit, Michigan and all of Oh*o, so this is nothing new. Just wait til the next time a glory hunting carpetbagger comes into the area to try to create an NASL team. We are going to shut them down so fast."

DCFC fan Harvey Thompson stated, "I sold one of my kidney's for the club, but now I'm selling the second for Detroit." When asked how he is going to function without a kidney, Mr Thompson stated, "How would I function without this club or this city? Losing my kidney functionality is the least of my concerns."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as DCFC buys Detroit, tears down the Silverdome and installs pyro vending machines in front of Keyworth Stadium.