Seattle, WA - "Put the flags down!!!" screamed area man Stuart Yarborough while he attended his first Seattle Sounders game on Sunday.
Mr Yarborough reportedly picked up the tickets from his friend Brent Osterhaus (because Brent needed the money in order to buy Star Wars tickets for opening day) who failed to inform Mr Yarborough that the game wouldn't be catered to Mr Yarborough's needs and wishes.
"This is bullshit," said Mr Yarborough "I'm here to watch the game and the Emerald City Supporters need to cater the kind of experience that they give me to the experience that I want to have. This is about me. I don't care how long they have been doing this, it is bullshit! With the flags and the waving and the chanting and the guys wearing hats. I'm telling you, these fans don't have a clue what it means to be a real fan."
Mr Yarborough reportedly was upset at having a flag knock over some of his popcorn that he specifically walked to get, and the rest of the afternoon was an nonredeemable mess.
"I want to stand here to watch the game. I don't care that there are 65,000 other seats that I could move to that don't have waving flags. I deserve to watch the game from right here exactly like I want. And you know what? I think they should not sing either. You don't hear Hawks fans singing, this is bullshit. All these guys are transplants, I can tell. They are the real reason I stopped living in Capitol Hill. Pushed the rent up on me. What a bunch of clowns. Well I'll tell you what, I'm going to keep coming back to this section and keep on yelling at people to put the flags down. It's my god given right to figure out a way to ruin this socialist ball."
The Nutmeg News will have more on Mr Yarborough as he loudly argues about the stupidity of the offside rule to anyone that will listen.