Colorado Rapids Fan Stems Open Cup Hangover By Cancelling Free Trial Of ESPN+

Pittsburgh, PA - Jeremy Valverde, a remote Rapids fan living in Pittsburgh, admitted that he stemmed the US Open Cup hangover that he had this morning by cancelling his free trial of ESPN + that he hoped would take him through the advancement of the Rapids in the tournament.


“I created my account a few hours before the game started,” stated Valverde to The Nutmeg News. “I also set a reminder for six days from now to check on the status of the trial. So it was really, really great to have to go delete that shit first thing.”

Valverde compared the experience to ripping of the band aid as he complained about the extra beers that he drank last night for the Colorado Rapids and New Mexico United game that went to penalties.

“Look, one and done. I freaking hate penalty kicks. I freaking hate them. And my freaking head is screaming at me from breaking into my stash of Avery Beer. Goddammit. Anyway, at least I’m going to save $4.99 over the next month.”

With Valverde cancelling his subscription out of spite, he stated that he wouldn’t have any reason to watch any more US Open Cup games for the rest of the year as he exclaimed, “I don’t care, I just don’t care. Look I care too much and now I don’t care. YOU DONT HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IT. JEEZE. LET ME JUST WALLOW IN OUR CRAPULANCE.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Valverde tries and immediately fails to not log on to his Twitter account for the next few days in order to decompress.