Excited Members Name 48 Year Old Man As Clothing Designer For Supporters Group

Jacksonville, FL - Excited members of the USL supporters group Dark Arts Brigade named 48 year old member Dave Coleman as the clothing designer for their supporters group throughout the 2019/2020 season as the oldest member in their supporters group got the green light to be a fashion designer.


“We are hoping he’ll bring some really retro aesthetic choices from the 90s into a modern setting for all the 20 year old kids that come out to the game every week,” stated 29 year old Dark Arts Brigade president Colton Williams. “He’s the oldest member we have in the group and we feel like his experience could lend itself to some interesting results.”

Coleman expressed interest in designing for the hip 20 and 21 year old members of Dark Arts as he brainstormed a new line of t-shirts based around the Dave Matthews Band album Under the Table and Dreaming.

“It’s going to be… um… lit and fleeked,” stated Coleman as he attempted to pepper in slang that he only started understanding over the last year. "The kids are really going to love this new t-shirt design that reminds us all of the time when Crash Into Me was a huge hit and the 90s were really about the musical styling of Dave.”

According to insider sources, Coleman advanced a number of ideas including a button up shirt that references the Cherry Poppin Daddies and the swing traditions of the mid 90s, and an effortless Stussy Pork Pie Hat. “We are going to really have a look that combines the modern styling of Post Malone with the throwback era of the Spin Doctors,” stated Coleman to a group of 20 year old kids that had no reference to most of these bands. “It’s going to be like the Crash Test Dummies meets the Arianas Grande.”

Despite a limited budget that will completely hamstring the Supporters Group if the items don’t sell, Coleman pushed ahead with his agenda as he called for more high quality flannel shirts and supporters group version of a JNCO jean with added 15th hidden pocket for concealed flares.

“It’ll be like our american version of Fred Perry except we will reference Ma$e in some of our design elements, almost like a version of Ed Hardy, but with more Soul Asylum references.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this in 2025 when Coleman cleans 15 boxes out of his apartment with all of this gear still inside.