CONCACAF Announces Hell In A Cell Rematch For Toronto FC And Club America

MIAMI - After last night's rumble on the frozen shores of Lake Ontario, the Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football (CONCACAF) announced an immediate Hell In A Cell rematch scheduled for April 10th.

 OH. MAH. GAWD.... HE GENTLY PUSHED HIM OVER WITH A NUDGE IN THE BACK!  HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD!

OH. MAH. GAWD.... HE GENTLY PUSHED HIM OVER WITH A NUDGE IN THE BACK!

HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD!

"These two notorious brawlers aren't done yet," stated director of programming for CONCACAF, Shane McDowell. "Club America asked for a rematch and Toronto agreed. We will have a Hell In A Cell match in the luxurious Estadio Azteca. All rules are off as these two legends battle to determine once and for all who the preeminent side is in a competition that is moderately important for Club America but very important for Toronto FC."

McDowell indicated that CONCACAF legend and Count Chocula cosplay enthusiast Baldomero Toledo expressed interest in refereeing the bout but was disqualified due to being a current referee in MLS. Instead, Uzbek referee Ravshan Irmatov will take the reins and he informed both teams that no holds would be barred.

"SHIT IS GONNA GET WILD," stated America fan Carlos Gutierrez. "Although I hope that my buddy Paulo doesn't piss in a water bottle to throw at players. That was gross."

Sources with the Secretaría de Seguridad Pública de la ciudad de México indicate that both teams will be kept from each other in the tunnels unless they want to record a promo gone wrong opportunity where Miguel Herrera bursts into the TFC locker room and choke slams Greg Vanney through a conveniently clean table.

"We expect the best professionalism out of both teams," stated McDowell. "This isn't going to be like the Big Show on the mic. We expect something better out of both of these teams."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Giovinco walks onto the field in a Lucha Libre mask.