New Study Indicates 9 Out Of 10 Women Don't Understand Offsides Rule

A new study committed by the Institute of Useless Things in Dayton, Ohio indicates that 9 out of 10 women don't understand the Offsides Rule. 

 "Are you shitting me with this shit?"

"Are you shitting me with this shit?"

Our reporters spoke to several women in the United States, who would return our phone calls, and asked them about the Offsides Rule and what they don't understand about it, with the following results.

"What is the offsides rule and is it like the offside rule?" asks Laura Billing, a know-nothing supporter of Minnesota United. "Guys always ask me if I know the offsides rule and I roll my eyes at them because there's nothing like overaggressive and incorrect gatekeeping to represent your gender in idiocy."

We spoke to soccer fan, rec-league referee and dog-fancy subscriber Bethany Jones of Santa Clara who stated, "Offsides? I don't know that one. If you are going to talk about the sport, why don't you use the correct terminology? How is this that difficult to understand? It is OFFSIDE... OFFSIDE..... for the love of god."

Jasmine Sinclair, a soccer supporter, librarian and fan of Hey Arnold, stated, "If you are going to come at me with this offsides garbage then you need to, right now, name 15 starters in the NWSL that aren't national team members. I bet you don't even know all the names of the teams."

Clearly the respondents are a small sample size, but the above statements show that, in-fact, all three women we spoke with had zero understanding of the Offsides Rule.

The Nutmeg News will have more on the investigation into the Offsides Rule, throw ins and that drunk idiot behind you in the stands that knows all the rules.