Co-Workers Allege Simulation As Flu Symptoms Worsen For Timbers Fan

Portland, OR - Co-workers of Timbers fan Heather Bronby are alleging simulation as her apparent flu symptoms worsen with the upcoming playoff game against the Seattle Sounders coming up on Thursday evening.


“I don’t know, everyone… I’m just not feeling well,” wheezed Bronby as she forced out a cough, a sniffle and staggered to her desk to sit down. “I really don’t think I’m going to be coming in tomorrow.”

Office co-worker Lisa Anderson was not sympathetic as she indicated her suspicion.

“I know that Heather told me she recently got her flu shot,” stated Ms. Anderson. “There’s no way this performance is believable. She’s just trying to get out of work on Thursday for the game.”

Sources indicate that Ms. Bronby began feeling the flu like symptoms on Monday morning as she entered her office holding a Kleenex while softly stating that she lost her voice overnight and was starting to feel a body ache.

“WE ALL KNOW YOU HAVE SEASON TICKETS, HEATHER,” stated compliance officer Dan Stevens to the pale and unsteady Bronby in the break room as she attempted to close the sports section that was sitting out as a reminder of the previous day victory.

“I haven’t felt this bad in AGES,” stated Bronby aloud to no one in particular. “I definitely feel like I’m coming down with the flu, or a cold or something that’s going to keep me out for probably …. oh…. I don’t know…. Thursday and Friday of this week.”

Manager Fred Angle stated that he has no choice but to approve Ms. Bronby’s sick day request if she continues this charade even though he doubts the sincerity of her affliction.

“This is the worst performance I’ve seen since Ralph called in sick with endometriosis to watch the Golden State Warriors playoff game,” stated Angle to The Nutmeg News.

However, Ms. Bronby continued her elegant performance as she splashed water on her face and stated, “oh my, I’m just not feeling well AT ALL,” to the entire break room as she poured another cup of coffee.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ms. Bronby’s illness appears to be completely gone without a trace by Monday morning.