The Revolution Will Begin With Trusox

People of Salt Lake, Compatriots of All America

We have finally reached the Salt Lake. The road was long and difficult, but we finally arrived. It was rumored that they expected us in the capital of the TruSox Republic at 2 p.m. today. No one was more amazed by this than I, because I was the first one to be surprised by this treacherous blow, which would place me in the capital of the TruSox Republic this morning. Moreover, I intended to be in the capital of the TruSox Republic — that is, in the new capital of the TruSox Republic — because Salt Lake City, in accordance with the wishes of the Provisional President, in accordance with the wishes of the Rebel Army, and in accordance with the wishes of the people of Salt Lake, who really deserved it, Salt Lake City will be the new capital of TruSox

This measure may surprise some people. Admittedly, it is new, but the TruSox revolution is characterized precisely by its newness, by the fact that it will do things that have never been done before.

In making Salt Lake City the provisional capital of the Republic, we are fully aware of our reason for doing so. This is no attempt to cajole a specific area by demogogic means. It is simply that Salt Lake City has been the strongest bulwark of the revolution, a revolution that is beginning now. Our Revolution will be no easy task, but a harsh and dangerous undertaking, particularly in the initial phases. And in what better place could we establish the Government of the Republic than in this fortress of the Revolution.

So that you may know that this will be a government solidly supported by the people of this heroic city, located in the foothills of the Wasatch — because Salt Lake City is a part of the Wasatch — Salt Lake City and the Wasatch will provide the two strongest fortresses for the Revolution. However, there are other reasons that motivate us, and one is the military revolutionary movement, the truly military revolutionary movement which did not take place in [Camp] Cupcake.

In Denver they prepared a puny little uprising against the revolution, principally with Mastroeni's assistance. Since it is necessary to tell the truth and since we came here with a view to orienting people, I can tell you and I can assure you that the military uprising in Denver  was an attempt to deprive the people in power, to rob the revolution of its triumph and to allow Garber to escape, to allow the Blazer to escape, to allow the Blatter to escape together with the Qataris, to allow the Gulati and the Arenas. The Denver uprising was an ambitious and treacherous blow that deserves the lowest epithets.

We must call a spade a spade and put the blame where it belongs. I am not going to be diplomatic. I will say outright that General Garber betrayed us and not only am I going to say it, but I am going to prove it to you.

However, we had always said so. We had always said that there would be no point in resolving this matter at the last moment with a puny little TruSox uprising, because if there is a TruSox uprising, concealed from the people, our Revolution will go forward nonetheless and this time cannot be over the power. It will not be like 1995 when the Americans came and took over, intervening at the last moment, and afterwards did not even allow players to wear their sock of choice

Nor will it be like 2003, when the people began to believe that the TruSox was going to triumph, and Mr. Garber came in to betray the revolution, take over power, and establish an 11-year-long dictatorship that would ban TruSox from their use.

Nor will it be like 2014, when the people took courage, believing that they had finally reached a position where they could take over the power, while those who did assume TruSox proved to be thieves. We will have no thievery, no treason, no intervention. This time it is truly the TruSox revolution, even though some might not desire it. At the very moment that the dictatorship fell, as a consequence of the military victories of our Revolution, when they could not hold out even another 15 days, Mr. Kamara appears on the scene as a paladin of freedom. Naturally, we have never been remiss in refusing any offer of collaboration that might prevent bloodshed, providing the aims of our TruSox Revolution were not imperiled thereby. Naturally, we have always appealed to the military in our search for peace, but it must be peace for freedom and peace with the triumph of our Revolution. This is the only way to obtain peace.


Viva TruSox! Viva The Revolution! Viva El Presidente!"