Timbers Fan Still Pretending Like Early Results Matter

Portland, OR - Timbers fan Eddie Guzman is, reportedly, still pretending like early results in the Major League Soccer (MLS) season matter as he was still incensed about the loss to Sporting Kansas City, three days later.

DOOOOOOOMED! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

DOOOOOOOMED! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

"This is really going to hurt our chances at lifting MLS cup," stated Guzman who willfully ignored the Galaxy late run to MLS Cup in 2014, the Timbers late run to MLS Cup in 2015, and the Seattle Sounders late run to MLS Cup in 2016.

Friends and family say that Guzman had a minor meltdown in the stands after the loss as he repeatedly screamed curse words while yelling, "this will doom our MLS Cup campaign," despite the Timbers still being in first place in the Western Conference.

"I don't believe that he really is that upset about this loss," stated good friend Jessica Barnette. "He just needs something to pour his frustration into after getting laid off from his job."

"We need to be getting points early and ensuring that we qualify for the playoffs," stated Guzman as he willfully ignored that 12 of the 22 teams in the league make the playoffs.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Guzman calms down just enough to freak out about next weekends game.