Earth, Milky Way - Denizens of Planet Earth were dismayed to find out that usage of "The MLS" as a league descriptor by online blog The Wall Street Journal caused the universe to implode into stark nothingness as the entirety of mankind was truly wiped out by a gramatical error, late Monday evening.
Researchers for the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) stated that they are not surprised that everyone is now dead as earlier in the year the Large Hadron Collider, during a production data run, manifested information that the usage of THE MLS and total apocalyptic galaxy inversion was bound to happen.
"It may seem insane, but it does appear that the stability of our galaxy is tied to the usage of Major League Soccer (or MLS) rather than THE and the aforementioned," stated scientist and tap dancer Lavonne Sanderson. "Over a period of time we explored string theory, chaos theory, the big bang, God, everything... but it actually is the usage of MLS over THE MLS that causes existence to continue unabated. And, as we found out, the Wall Street Journal just killed us all."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we report from the darkside of the moon on Alpha Beta Base Shatner as we live our final moments in peace with the singular thought that out there somewhere is a satellite hurtling towards a civilization that will know nothing of our The MLS