Optimistic Toronto Ultra Considers Waxing Chest For MLS Cup

TORONTO - Aware of the fact that national television in both Canada and the United States would be broadcasting MLS Cup, optimistic Toronto Football Club ultra Aiden "scout" Pfeffer stated that he was considering waxing his chest for his typical shirtless goal celebration.

 USA Today Sports Images

 USA Today Sports Images

"My nipples are resplendent and deserve to be seen away from my verdant and vibrant thatch of chest hair," stated Pfeffer to The Nutmeg News. 

"It's going to be freezing and I know that some people consider it bad luck, but I'm thinking of going for a good clean wax for this upcoming game so when Giovinco scores in the 64th minute I can just rip off my shirt without worrying about my current manscaping."

Pfeffer and his friends have long made it a tradition to rip their shirts off in celebration, defiance and drunkeness for TFC and this game is no different, despite the cold.

"If anything, the cold will really enhance the vibrancy of my nipples," stated Pfeffer. "We plan on getting shirtless early and often if the team provides it. This shirtless Canadian man isn't afraid of some cold weather."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Pfeffer begins a debate about the natural fur movement and whether he should mousse his chest hair in stead.