Internal Debate Over Player Kit Purchase Forces Fan To Have Existential Crisis

Orlando, FL - Orlando City Fan Deborah Ammerman admitted that she fell afoul of an existential crisis over the player policies and salary cap of Major League Soccer while having an internal debate over which personalized player kit she should purchase.

This is a quality purchase.

This is a quality purchase.

"I already have a Kaka kit, but I wanted something different. As I looked over my options online, I came to the realization that many of these players would quickly be traded to some other team, likely during the offseason, and I started to have questions about a league that forces my team to lose players simply because of the structure of the wage cap. Not to mention the self inflicted stupidity of TAM/DP/Allocation money that the league enforces on the franchises to attempt to force parity."

Ammerman reportedly was interested in a number of different personalized home and away kits but realized that with the new head coach, a questionable season winding down, and Major League Soccer's salary cap rules that likely she would be purchasing a kit for a player on a different team in just a few months time.

"I definitely can't purchase a personalized player kit from ANYONE on our defense. Not even Bendik is assured of staying. This whole thing make me wonder if there is any reason at all to buy any personalized merchandise," stated Ammerman to The Nutmeg News. "Look, hell is buying a Seb Hines or a Luke Boden kit, or even a Tommy Redding kit and then seeing them on another team like NYCFC. I'm not even certain if I want a Luke Boden kit. Does anyone want a Luke Boden kit? It's just the general idea of it all. This league is just crazy. Maybe I'm the problem.. Do I even exist? Am I actually just perpetuating everything by my own existence? WHAT IS LIFE?! DOES IT INVOLVE BREK SHEA?!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ammerman just decides on a blank Orlando City kit that she can sew a name and number onto, if she feels so inclined.