How MLS Embraced Latinos: The White Guy Handshake And Awkward Glance Around

Juan Guzman remembers a time in 2016 when he couldn't get a hug from a Major League Soccer executive. "We would walk around in Time Square in New York City, and nobody would bother us," says Guzman, who now focuses on developing and cultivating actual physical contact between the rich white guys that work for Major League Soccer in New York and normal Hispanic, Latino and Mexican human beings who could give two fucks about the league that frequently ignores, belittles and patronizes the divergent fanbases. 

"Nowadays, if I walked down the street, I'd have a decent to poor chance to get a white guy handshake, an awkward glance around and a halting to hesitating question if I want to get tacos."

See! We posted a picture of some people who look ethnic, that means we have embraced Latinos! GIVE THIS LEAGUE A DIVERSITY AWARD!

See! We posted a picture of some people who look ethnic, that means we have embraced Latinos! GIVE THIS LEAGUE A DIVERSITY AWARD!

This is no exaggeration. The US Hispanic community is the largest ethnic or racial minority group in the country, so we are just going to make some really rampant generalizations here. We talked to a few people who were probably Latino, or Mexican, or maybe Cuban on the street... they didn't identify and we didn't ask questions. They said they liked soccer, although some of them said they didn't like soccer and some of them didn't want to talk to us at all. 

"It's no coincidence that we are aggressively trying to pander to demographics that we try to generalize into small groups and offer options like latino del ano which somehow covers players from just about anywhere but Europe," stated Major League Soccer Latino outreach and Mexican investigator Jimmy Smith. "Did you know that Mexican's like soccer? It's a FACT!"

MLS's strategy to specifically target the community with bullshit promotions, pandering coverage, and whole identity team branding based on one team in one area of Mexico that ultimately failed because of every possible reason on the face of the planet has been a complete success. In fact, MLS is the most diverse professional sports league in North America, with players from 59 countries around the world, which really doesn't make any sense at all in an article about "How MLS Embraced Latinos", but at this point we are just going to shoehorn in any facts that we can to try to bolster this argument that any objective observer of the league knows is complete crap.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we continue to pay for coverage in major newspapers.