Columbus, OH - "WHY BACK IN MY DAY, WE KNEW THE LOVING CARESS OF THREE POINTS, YESSIR," began Robert Thomas Gibbs as he waxed nostalgic to a bunch of awe struck millenials.
Mr. Gibbs recently started a lecturing circuit at public places in the Columbus area including parks, street corners and bus terminals where he tells new Columbus Crew fans what a win was like back in the olden days of being a fan, before everything went wrong.
"Why the day was May 28th, 2016; and I can remember it like it was yesterday," stated Mr. Gibbs as he popped in a dip of Copenhagen, cleaned his pipe, and relaxed his gaze upon a dandilion growing in the cracks of the sidewalk. "It was a glorious time back then. Back when we was doing the hard work in the field, but the living was easy, oh for those days of wins and optimism."
Reportedly, Mr. Gibbs started reminisicing back to the good old days when the bad old days of current time weren't enough to continue supporting his beloved Crew as he stated, "better to live in nostalgia than face the current gaping maw of unenviable darkness that threatens to consume us whole with her subtle embrace of death of season and the screaming harbinger of doom that is offseason."
As he whittled a miniature figurine of Guillermo Barros Schelotto, Robert Thomas Gibbs weaved stories of MLS Cup, Frankie Hedjuk, and Pipa before the crushing reality of 2016 came calling.
"Why it was the time when a man or woman could really know their fellow fan, not like the cold times of three months later when we fight over the meaning of life and whether anyone on this team is any damn good," mumbled Gibbs as he squinted towards the youthful, innocent faces of the 23 year old Tax attourneys that just started following the Crew after their trip to MLS Cup.
"SOME DAY YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I SPEAK OF," blurted Gibbs as he hastily retreated to the cover of shade to drink a half-full powerade that he spiked with Smirnoff.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Gibbs tries to keep all those rascally, no-good, stake claiming, snake dealing carpetbaggers out of his seat in the Nordecke.