"Oh, He Is Going To Drive, Step Over And Then Go Right," States 85 Year Old Grandmother From Provo

Provo, UT - 85 year old Real Salt Lake Fan Doris Clayborn admitted that even as a tactical novice that she knew what Joao Plata was going to do with the ball during the recent US Open Cup game against the Seattle Sounders.

Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Sports

Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Sports

"Look at him, every time," stated Clayborn as she watched the diminutive Ecuadorian player run down the field with the ball. "He is going to drive, step over, and then go right. Every damn time."

Mrs. Clayborn stated to The Nutmeg News that she only started watching soccer in the past two years and still managed to pick up on Plata's tendency to do nearly the same thing every time he gets the ball while heading towards the box.

"If I was 60 years younger, why... even I could defend that weak shit," stated Mrs Clayborn  in typical hyperbolic fashion as she yelled at the television screen for Real Salt Lake to win the game. "Why on earth does he keep doing the same damn thing!"

While Mrs. Clayborn had some harsh words for Plata during the recent game, she followed her comments up by saying that she liked the spark that Plata offered on the team, but just wished he would actually convert his chances.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mrs. Clayborn writes a 1000 word essay about Plata on her RSL blog.