US Soccer Federation Breathes Sigh Of Relief As Last League Finally Leaves For The Start Of The Season

CHICAGO - The US Soccer Federation (USSF) breathed a huge sigh of relief, drank some mimosas and opened up a bottle of wine as the last league in the federation finally left for the start of the 2016 season.

"Now if we can just get the Central Conference out the freaking door."

"Now if we can just get the Central Conference out the freaking door."

"It's been a struggle to get the National Premier Soccer League (NPSL) to the starting date, but finally we can kick back, relax, catch up on some daytime TV and just veg out with a nice Bordeaux," stated the United States Soccer Federation to The Nutmeg News on Friday.

"We've been hording episodes of the Blacklist and the Mentalist so that when we get the NPSL out of the blocks we can just relax and watch some shows. I can't tell you how happy we are to finally get some peace and quiet around here.

The Nutmeg News spoke to the National Premier Soccer League about the start of the season and they had the following to say.

"With our staggered start, we were already slightly out the door, but now finally we are going to get gone. We kept going back to get laundry and extra players and more uniforms and use the kitchen, but at some point it's time to get back to actually playing games. I mean, the Aguiluchos have already played six, but that doesn't mean we can't go back to get those sweet lemon cakes that Sunil makes before the Milwuakee Torent start playing in June."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the NPSL comes back with a couple new league entrants to just hang out next season, but totally not going to throw a party and light smoke bombs this time, ok? C'mon say it's ok, we will be responsible.