"This Is Why We Need More Expansion," states Garber As He Prepares To Give LAFC Money To Zlatan

NEW YORK - The commissioner of Major League Soccer (MLS) nervously paced the floor at MLS headquarters before signing a check for $110 million dollars to Zlatan Ibrahimović and stating to The Nutmeg News, "This.... This is why we need more expansion."

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Reportedly the high octane pursuit of Zlatan occurred when Garber and company found out that the Paris St Germain striker was not as interested in moving to England as he was interested moving for $110 million dollars to literally anywhere.

"In order to prepare for Zlatan, we have had our rules and acquisitions committee working overtime to shred all of our previous transfer requirements, allocation orders, and discovery lists," stated Garber to The Nutmeg News on Friday morning.

"This is just going to be a fresh new start just for Zlatan that we are going to call the Zlatan Rule, which is coincidentally close to the same rule that we allow for every major star we get in this league with the major twist that we are just going to pay him a boat load of money. Basically the Zlatan rule will consist of players of a certain level being asked, 'where do you want to go?' When they tell us where they want to go and agree to go there, they get a massive over-sized check for real moneys that we collected a year earlier; and they, the player, go to the team they selected. It's that simple."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ibrahimović submits his playing contract which includes stipulations on no travel over 1100 miles in length and no turf games.