The Reanimated Corpse Of Ashley Cole Does OK In His Debut, Despite Being Dead

LOS ANGELES - Fans of the Galaxy agree that the reanimated corpse of Ashley Cole did pretty decently in the game on Sunday evening, for a person who is legally dead.

By any chance do you have any brains soaked in caviar?

By any chance do you have any brains soaked in caviar?

"I'd probably have a problem with his game if he was alive but for a zombie getting a pay day, he wasn't bad," stated Hanson Beckworth of Burbank. "It's a testament to modern medicine that Ashley played as well as he did, because it must be difficult to run around on the field with half your organs missing and a craving for flesh that must be satisfied."

While Cole was off the mark for a live person, his play was resplendent for the recently deceased as he was moderately mobile and didn't attack anyone physically while attempting to go for the jugular with his teeth. This lead other LA fans to question his commitment to the Galaxy on a long term level.

"I mean, how long can they keep trotting him out there," stated Steven Newman of Modesto. "The flies are gathering and there is just this weird smell. At first I thought it was Gerrard, but now I'm not so convinced. If we are going to keep signing and playing the living dead than the least they can do is consume the essence of their enemies. I won't complain about playing up a man or two for the rest of the game. Cole just needs to do what he was signed to do and that is just stay upright, not actually rot in front of my eyes, and feast upon the entrails of Bobby Bosworth."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as people try to figure out if Cole is Mostly Alive.... or Mostly Dead.