Bantz Forecasters Predict Record Highs As MLS Season Returns

NEW YORK - Bantz forecasters from Deloitte and Touche have predicted record highs as the Major League Soccer season returns.

 SEE.... A GRAPH AND EVERYTHING

SEE.... A GRAPH AND EVERYTHING

"We predict a record increase in the amount and frequency of Bantz," stated Jeremy Winston Thorngood, vice president of Bantz analytics. "We are already seeing an increase in overall shit talking with middle of the road points degrading against mud slinging. Right now is a great time to get into Bantz as we haven't seen the peak yet of the rise."

With the increase in Bantz overall, many Major League Soccer fans are starting to get into the mix.

The Nutmeg News spoke with Real Salt Lake supporter Charlene Raggs about diversifying into Bantz futures and she had the following to say. 

"The only thing worse than Mastroeni as a coach is the city of Denver. What a shithole. Denver is so bad that RSL fans don't even want a rivalry with them. We'd much rather beat Los Angeles."

While those strong words by Ms. Raggs show an increase in Bantz, the analysts are convinced that this is only the beginning of a strong Bantz bubble that will eventually explode sometime in December of 2016.

"Get in now, get in hard, and make sure that you tell your rival fans how big a douchebag they are," stated Mr. Thorngood. "We must make up the Bantz gap from the early pre-season. Analysts are encouraged by rivalry bonds, but only Bantz will prop up the market."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this, just like your mother had more of us on Tuesday night.