MLS to D.C. United, "Shape Up Or Get Replaced By The Richmond Kickers"

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer has given D.C. United an ultimatum stating that if the Eastern Conference team doesn't shape up, it is going to be replaced by the Richmond Kickers.

Sure, but can he do it on a cold rainy night in RFK Stadium?

Sure, but can he do it on a cold rainy night in RFK Stadium?

"Did you see that Kickers game?" stated president of Major League soccer Mark Abbot. "It was beautiful and an example of flowing football. The United game was like watching the keystone cops fumbling a ball around in the midfield for a while until Dallas ran the length of the field and scored."

While, reportedly, Ben Olsen is upset at the situation, the ultimatum has allowed him to refocus on his tactics and watch some tape of the United USL affiliate. 

"I was unaware that you could pass, score and defend in the same game," stated Olsen. "It's actually amazing to watch them control the ball across the middle of the field, play combinations, get a lead and hold on to it. I filled two steno pads with notes and I think that we will manage to survive this current malaise given the extra chance that Major League Soccer gave us. I mean... complete passes, pull the defense out of position and SCORE.... OF COURSE!"

While Richmond put on a display during their game against the Harrisburg City Islanders, the extra pressure of potentially moving to MLS is not making them change their approach.

The Nutmeg News spoke to head coach Leigh Cowlishaw and he stated, "It would be great, but I only want that if we beat United head to head. I'd rather make it a competition, during the season, for supremacy. I'm confident, though, that we can take them down, because we can do more than one thing at one time and actually finish the shots we take. As long as I have Yudai Imura by my side, things are going to be just fine."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as MLS Schedules a home and home to decide supremacy.