Cary, NC - The Carolina Railhawks announced, today, that Pep Guardiola would be acting as a remote coach and training adviser for the 2016 season.
"If Eric Wynalda can manage this way, so can I," stated a thrilled Pep Guardiola over the phone during the announcement from the Railhawks. "I've always wanted to manage a team without having to be there and I'm planning on managing about 4 games during the season this way in-between my Bayern Munich and Manchester City commitments."
Mr. Guardiola indicated that he would be coaching during games as well as running training virtually by Skype. Mr. Guardiola stated that he employs a technology team that has resolved the distance issues by attaching a thin screen TV with a camera to a drone and giving Guardiola the ability to fly it around practice yelling at players.
"This is a new way to manage, a new way to be truly there for all teams." stated Guardiola. "Many teams want my help, but I am unable to be at all places at all times. With this new technology I can manage many teams at one time and truly explore the upper realms of my aesthetic philosophy as it becomes deployed over the folds of the team concept. The usage of drones allows me to control where I am on the practice field as well as taking a smaller drone or Segway into the offices and locker room so that I can have a virtual presence at all times. I believe that the dressing room is a sacred space devoted to the health and well being of the team at its core level; however I will likely need to fly my drone with a tablet attached into the dressing room to yell at the team to pick it up if they aren't playing well."
When asked if he would prefer to manage in Major League Soccer, Guardiola stated, "I don't believe that I have reached that level yet. While coaching via drone is possible in the NASL, I would need a team of accountants, sports statisticians, MLS cap experts and philosophical playing style aesthetic bargainers to tell me what kind of players I could buy. It is just too complicated."