Man Able To Find Only One Game That Meets Rigorous Standard

NEW YORK - US Soccer dissident Clark Pengrove admitted that he was able to find only one game, recently, that met the rigorous standard for what he considers a good game that people should watch.

"I haven't watched an MLS game in 5 years, but I can tell you it is awful."

"I haven't watched an MLS game in 5 years, but I can tell you it is awful."

"All soccer in the United States and Canada is garbage at every level, in every league," stated Pengrove in a multi part rant online. "The only game worth watching is the game played at the very highest level with the very best players. There are no games in the United States, Canada, Mexico, South America, England, the Netherlands, Germany or (and especially) Italy that fit this criteria. As such, the only game that I am able to watch is Real Madrid v Barcelona."

Pengrove states that his strict criteria of quality soccer means that he can only really watch two or three games per year as the talent level and ability displayed in other games is not worth watching.

"Fans mean nothing. Fans are routinely garbage. I don't watch games for passion, for cheering or situations. Playoffs are useless and so are championship games. They add nothing to the tactical game that can only be truly exposed and understood using whiteboards and a 15 year study of tactical nuance in Spain and the Netherlands. I only watch for the technical skill of individual players and the situations on the field that I can diagram later with player figurines on a hand crafted subbuteo table in my basement for my own amusement."

As Pengrove's criteria for a quality soccer game worth watching has become increasingly strict, his consumption of soccer has decreased massively as all games are now considered horrible examples of corrupt Football Administrations, as well as players and coaches that are attempting to stifle the best players playing the best soccer in the one or two allowable games per year.

"I'm down to Barcelona v Real Madrid and that's it. I'm doing careful analysis of the players that will play in the matchup to ensure that the 22 players fit the threshold  for Quality Soccer. As well, I will stop watching a game if the substitutes entering the game are not at the required level of player."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Pengrove begins to admit that Messi and Ronaldo are not up to his standards of international players and quits watching soccer altogether until players and teams meet his qualifications for quality soccer.