CHICAGO - In light of the results of the general election November 8th, 2016, The US Soccer Federation changed their slogan to "Two Nations - One Team" to better reflect the growing discord between the populace.
"We can't honestly say that we are one nation anymore," stated US Soccer Secretary Dan Harrow. "This way we will be able to tailor our message depending on exactly which group we are talking to whether appearing more liberal in our advertisements or more patriotic/jingoistic in our advertisements."
The Two Nations - One Team campaign will reportedly kick off at the highly volatile USA v Mexico game on Friday as fans prepare for the important World Cup Qualifier.
"Look, we wouldn't advertise to someone who was a part of the LGBTQ community the same way we would advertise to someone who hates tthe LGBTQ community. It just doesn't make sense. Instead, we will appeal to the LGBTQ community in one fashion while simultaneously stoking the nativist passions of the rural Republican base. All in all, we think this will better represent our actual nation as it currently exists."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as our independent monitors track USA v Mexico.