Embratsu Deep Magik Details How Real Salt Lake Fans Will Recover From Devastating Loss

Salt Lake City, UT - Deacons of the Church of Embratsu admitted that their usage of Deep Magik while practicing their religion of Embratsu has indicated how Real Salt Lake fans will recover from the upcoming loss, the will of the unicorn rainbow gods be praised.

Woe be unto you, unbeliever.

Woe be unto you, unbeliever.

"Our love shall dissipate into a whirlwind of pain," stated Great-Grand Deacon Steven Purtoise. "We will accept the pain and the will of the gods. We will then devour a cold coffee, a stale bread, listen to Lucretia, My Reflection by The Sisters of Mercy and inhale the vaped essence of Clove Smoke as our sacrament dictates."

Reportedly, fans within the Church of Embratsu indicate their willingness to embrace the awful and to love the suck extends to their upcoming playoff loss which will fill their essence with the nothingness of rainbow unicorn tears falling delicately onto a hammered dulcimer string made of razor blades.

"Only in pain can we survive to understand that there will be another season of disappointment ahead," stated Underling Nadia Brachovsky of Sugarhouse. "We must love our pain and roll with it in the tall supple grass of our Earth Mother that will whip us with the seeds of never ending sorrow."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Church of Embratsu readies their presence for the beginning times.