Bristol, CT - ESPN recently announced that their recent documentary on the FIFA scandal that surrounds corruption and the World Cup bids is available online as well as on broadcast television. However, ESPN officials told The Nutmeg News that the documentary is, as well, available to be pulled down and destroyed if FIFA will agree to a certain set of conditions.
"In the grand tradition of tombstoning documentaries that criticize things ESPN makes money on, we here at the World Wide (North American) Leader In Sports will gladly kill this FIFA corruption documentary if FIFA would just swing the World Cup rights back over to our channel" said director of Programming Brent Colborne.
"ALLEGEDLY, We already killed the expose documentary that we were producing on concussions in the National Football League at the League's behest due to our involvement with broadcasting games. (you know what I'm talking about, Roger) We would be more than happy to destroy all copies of the FIFA corruption documentary if FIFA would just slip us the Television rights and maybe we slip them a cool billion or so."
While the rights to the English Language television broadcast of the FIFA World Cup in North America was won by FOX, ESPN appears to still be a major competitor and desperately wants the rights back.
ESPN's John Skipper had the following to say on the matter, "We tried everything, we bribed, we begged, we wined and dined their compatriots, but who knows what FOX did to get those rights. I mean.... allegedly.... they took Sepp out to the Arizona desert, got him really high on peyote and let him fire bottle rockets at immigrants until he was tired and then slipped him a couple hundred million dollars in a unmarked bills. Again. ALLEGEDLY. However, as I said before, if FIFA wants us to stop the documentary like we did with the NFL concussion documentary, then just show us the money and show us the ratings. You give us the World Cup and we will literally do anything for you, FIFA. C'mon sepp, you know you want an all access pass to the Spearmint Rhino! I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN. We fired Simmons, so we have an extra couple million floating around. LETS MAKE A DEAL."
The Nutmeg News will have more news on this as it happens.