Major League Soccer Bans Nitrous Oxide Use In Commentating Booth

After listening to various commentators around Major League Soccer (MLS), officials followed the Glastonbury Festival example in banning the use of nitrous oxide by pundits doing live commentary associated with the league. League officials have concerns that the use of nitrous would only confirm MLS  is a circus run by clowns

An unnamed source reported officials went ballistic after listening to clips of Ross Smith preparing for this weekends Cascadia Cup match between Portland and Vancouver.

This unnamed MLS official was heard yelling down the halls of MLS central "that man sounds like a wildebeest in heat!"

League officials began a nation wide inquiry into the color commentary provided by league franchises after listening to what appeared to be relatively insane babble provided by giggling twats who frequently talked over one another with a betraying sign of insane self-confidence that only laughing gas brings. Reportedly an investigation proved that 36 individual tanks were delivered and used during Smith's performance of Portland v FC Dallas. As well, reports of Shep Messing having a custom New York Cosmos painted facemask and nozzle distribution system piped directly into the booths of Red Bull Arena are being investigated.

Not surprisingly, Brian Dunseth was also racked by the same official after releasing an updated "drink with Dunny" board that had "huff some happy gas when I say skill check" as the center square.

The Nutmeg News contacted league officials to confirm our source's information. The league stated "while we cannot confirm or deny anything, we can say MLS endeavors to function as a top, top, TOP league, which includes the way in which it is described to viewers. As such, we can announce that we are in discussion with Gus Johnson to provide all commentary for all major MLS games regardless of market. We feel that this will give us the standards that we so desperately crave."

TNN will investigate this story as it continues.