Houston, TX - 42 year old Wade Tatum was one of twelve fans at the Houston Dynamo preseason match to catch a miniature replica of a Dynamo soccer ball. Upon returning home he presented it to his son who in turn presented it to the family dog.
“One of the players started walking in the direction of our section, “ Wade says, “but I can’t remember who it was or what section I was in as we got the tickets from some Groupon thing at my work and I don’t really follow soccer. Anyway, I could tell that this player was going to kick it our way so I said to my wife, ‘Caroline, hold my beers; I’m getting that ball.’ I’m five-eleven and weigh 310 pounds so when I decided that the ball was mine, that ball was mine.”
Witnesses at the game say that while Brad Davis, the Dynamo player kicking the ball into the fans, was facing the general direction of the Tatums, that Mr. Davis kicked the ball nearly 50 feet to the left of their seats. Wade, unperturbed by the distance, half-crawled and half-crab walked across peoples laps and the backs of the seats knocking over children, beers, and adults before finally reaching over the head of an eight year old girl wearing a Dynamo kit to snatch the ball one handed out of the air. Wade then made his way back to his seat where he held up the ball in victory before going on to drink 4 more beers and fall asleep in the 53rd minute.
Upon arriving home he presented the ball to his son Carter who was playing XBox and wearing a microphone headset at the time. “My dad came in and was talking about a ball or something,” Carter said, “but I was playing GTA Online and was in the middle of a heist so I couldn't really listen. My dad yelled about me not appreciating stuff or something and then kind of just threw the ball at me. I don’t even care about soccer so I just kicked it out into the hall.”
It was at this time that Apollo, the families pet Rottweiler, picked it up and carried it off behind the couch where it was quickly punctured and deflated. Apollo then went on to dismantle it bit by bit only to be discovered a week later by Caroline as she cleaned the house. Caroline Tatum then told TNN that she scolded the dog for making a mess and dispatched of the remains in the trash compactor.
TNN was unable to reach the eight year old girl for comment.