1906 Ultras Hire Michael Vick As Rebranding Advisor

San Jose, CA - After the San Jose Earthquakes supporter group known as the “1906 Ultras” came under scrutiny by MLS teams and other supporters groups for misconduct, they decided to try and leave the past behind them by updating their group name and by working to rebrand their image. The group decided to spearhead this new PR campaign by enlisted the consulting services of Michael Vick, the NFL quarterback convicted of running a dogfighting operation out of his house.

TNN spoke to Michael Vick to gain some insight into his plans for improving the groups image. “I am absolutely confident that I can help the 1906 Ultras regain some respect in the league the same way in which I was able. First up we changed the name to San Jose Ultras. Second we’re going to start over-publicising some charity work to really make any of their critics look like tools. Even without any prior history of actual charity work being done by the 1906 Ultras, with enough over-inflated publicity we can whitewash public perception so that the public will forget what they did and this whole thing can be taken out to the yard and buried.”

TNN met with a member of the 1906 Ultras who agreed to speak to us on the condition of anonymity and on the condition that he could take a selfie of us and him wearing a scarf over his face that he could post on ultras-tifo.net. “Michael Vick ran a dogfighting operation where they would kill dogs by slamming them on the ground, electrocuting them, or hanging them, and this all after they were forced to fight to the death. After just serving a little bit of time in prison and doing some minor charity work he was able to come back into the NFL making millions. He has proven himself successful in being able to wash away metaphorical and literal blood off his own hands. We just want to get people to forget that we yelled shit a few times and ALLEGEDLY beat a few men and women up. Vick is totally the person to represent us and help us remake our image.”

Vick insists that patience is the key to changing the attitudes of their critics. “I keep telling them to never give up and that they’ve still got a dog in this fight. Sure that dog might be chained up and getting meaner and meaner but once we let that dog go he’s going to tear out the throat of negative public perception.”