Record Hangovers Begin To Fade, Fans Return To Anticipating Next Matches

New York, NY - A severe upturn in hangover levels gripped the nation Monday after the MLS first kick weekend, and fans are starting to feel the effects finally fade and are beginning to ponder a return to alcohol consumption this upcoming weekend.

Hangover analyst Scott Fletcher met with TNN to discuss the weekends events and provide commentary on the data his company had collected. “We had a perfect storm that resulted in a massive sobriety deficit followed by one of the worst hangover downturns we’ve ever seen. Fans knew that it was MLS opening weekend and knew it was Daylight Savings but somehow they didn’t factor in the ramifications of combining the two. In addition many parts of the country were experiencing unusually warm weather which we found created a spike in the day-drinking markets. All of our leading hangover indicators showed that a drastic crash was going to occur but we just didn’t pay attention.”

Fans took to social media on Monday and began to announce their displeasure at the resulting cataclysm and announced their plans to give up drinking altogether. “I had my social media team working day and night,“ Fletcher continues, “and they were finding a surprisingly high amount of keywords and hashtags pointing to ‘shit faced’ on Saturday and Sunday with a huge increase of ‘feeling like shit’ on Monday. We also saw data showing users abstaining from soccer related news and sites on Monday and we even began to pick up on chatter about fans being done with soccer in general and not really seeing the fun in it anymore.”

While the Monday crash was indeed one of the worst on record  Fletcher and his team began to see the effects from the crash almost all but alleviated on Tuesday morning. “We’re now seeing fans already starting to come back around and make jokes about drinking again. While these humorous messages usually have disparaging replies the messages are favorited and retweeted indicating that we can most likely predict another surge in inebriation levels again this coming weekend. Our prediction is that people will swear that they are going to take it easy and not over do it like last weekend but after a couple days have passed and we enter the weekend things will return to normal.”