Europe is Better: A Comprehensive Look At Front Running

This article is submitted by one of our local contributors, Ryan Jones. Ryan is a 43 year old tax accountant from Des Moines, IA. The views of Mr. Jones do not reflect those of The Nutmeg News

Hey, you there! Why do you support a team that sucks?

The Des Moines Menace? Sucks.

The Premier Development League? Sucks.

The United Soccer League? Sucks.

The so-called “Major League Soccer”? Sucks

None of those Major League Soccer teams are gonna win the Champions League any time soon, I’m telling you.

So how do you support a team that doesn’t suck? You pick from the top. You pick winners. You don’t need to suffer quietly and watch a bunch of American kids kicking around a ball in the mid-west. Life is about winners.

Hey, look. I got a boss that hates me, a wife that has been begging for divorce, do you really think i want to get behind a team that loses?

Do you know what it is like to have to come home and do math for 6th graders? It sucks.

No. I pick a winner because i want to feel good about myself. Is that so wrong?

So look, this is how we pick a team.

I used to be a big Manchester United fan, but recently they suck. Don’t pick Manchester United.

My dad always said people should pull for Liverpool but one trophy that means something in 10 years equals, you guessed it, they suck.

Friends would say, “Why don’t you pick a team from Germany?” They say this because they know that my favorite international team is the German national team. I’m even 1/36th german on my mother’s second cousin from marriage side.

But let me tell you a little secret, they suck.

For me, right now, life is all about Real Madrid. They are winners. They win all the time. They won the UEFA Champions League, which is about as big as you could possibly get because the Champions League is only for winner which is why you won’t find any teams from MLS there.

Look, life is about winning, about finding that winning trend and getting ahead of it so that you are a winner by association. I can tell you that the easiest way to do this is to buy the kit of every winning team from Europe (except for Italy, because they suck) and then being a loud and proud fan when your winning team wins. I’ve got on my Cristiano Ronaldo Madrid kit right now and I’m ready for a 2016 season when Real Madrid never loses in the league and wins every single trophy that has ever existed including the stupid so called Major League Soccer championship.