SpaceX Set For Josef Martinez Penalty Kick Landing, Hottest Adidas Reentry Yet

Cape Canaveral, FL - SpaceX’s first Josef Martinez penalty kick is ready to wow crowds once more with a landing at Cape Canaveral and a center core recovery attempt more than 1200 km (750 mi) off the coast of Florida.

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Stating, “Holy hell he shanked the crap out of that ball,” SpaceX mission commander Dave Stevens plotted the recovery attempt of the middle of the ball that Martinez nearly deposited into low Earth orbit alongside the leathery exterior of the ball that remained just outside the Mesosphere for over two days.

With Martinez attempting to become the first man to reach Mars with a penalty kick, SpaceX has its work cut out for themselves as they attempt to plan a way to keep the payload intact.

“It appears that the stutter step is not entirely functioning like a multi-stage rocket,” stated Stevens. “we thought that possibly hitting it in this fashion would alter the trajectory of the ball allowing it to reach the upper Mars atmosphere, but we didn’t even make it into the Exosphere.”

SpaceX stated they feel confident in the re-entry of Martinez shot as their abilities were built on their success at retrieving Michael Bradley’s penalty shot.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the ball collides with the Italian space program’s nascent attempt to reach the moon in 1994.