Continent Breathes Sigh Of Relief As Exiled De Jong Serves Out Rest Of MLS Sentence In Turkey

The entirety of North America and the affiliated nations of CONCACAF breathed a huge sigh of relief as news came that LA Galaxy player and all around delight Nigel De Jong was to have his sentence commuted to serve out the rest of his time in Major League Soccer playing in Turkey.



"Nigel and the League agreed that we would commute his MLS sentence to 2 years of hard labor at a team in Turkey," stated president of Major League Soccer Mark Abbot. "All parties thought it would be best for their respective interests. Nigel gets to live closer to his family and the rest of the players in our league no longer suffer the threat of having their careers shortened by a player who doesn't have the best judgement calls."

Reportedly, De Jong is miffed to leave the sandy beaches of Los Angeles, but would rather play in Turkey than to spend another minute trying to navigate the traffic down to the StubHub Center stating, "Traffic here sucks" before he attempted to slide tackle our reporter from behind as he left the interview.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as players in Turkey prepare themselves for the arrival of De Jong.