"Did A Children's Author Die?" - Google Doodle Confuses Majority Of Americans

Citing their inability to understand basic graphics, the vast majority of Americans were shocked and confused by today's Google Doodle as the company celebrated the beginning of the Copa America in Google fashion.

"Honestly, I thought maybe a children's author died, and then I thought... man that looks like... um... art deco... or something, so maybe Ayn Rand died?" stated Leonard Haldees of Albuquerque, New Mexico. "Like, um, did she eat it and now they are like celebrating Jacob's Ladder or whatever the hell she wrote. Tim Robbins, man, great flick. We are talking about the symbology of classic American horror movies in my Comparative Psychology in Movies class at the community annex. Anyway, I don't know aaaaaaaaaand I don't care."

The Nutmeg News spoke to Janelle Gregory of Wilmington, Delaware about the Google Doodle and she was equally confused.

"Fuck COPA! (COPA is Spanish for police, right?). It's red versus blue. It's an allegory for the battle of the police state and the fight for rights, yes? Copa America is that symbol of the upcoming class war in the streets. Fuck Copa! Fuck Sopa! Let's burn it all down!"

As well, The Nutmeg News field reporters spoke to Dan Ortega of San Angelo, Texas about the Copa America.

"I'm more into Nutrientology. Like homeopathy and stuff. The doodle is clearly man battling his inner self to attempt to self actualize back to nature where he can obtain pure nutrient vitamins and self healing. We all must reconnect with mother nature and accept our mortality. We all must sip from the sacred roots. Shamans in Bolivia have stones that can cure cancer. This is all on Bayer who is concealing the healing power of crystals to boost Aspirin sales."

Finally The Nutmeg News spoke to Vinny LaValle of Hoboken, New Jersey who stated.

"Nobody....and I mean NOBODY... cares about soccer. Go Jets. J.E.T.S. JETS.

Fuck Brady."


The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we continue to survey the wilds of America.