San Jose, CA - As the ancient Druids once used the position of the Sun in the sky to mark the seasons, San Jose Earthquakes fan Simon Milligan provides a sign of the changing of the seasons for his co-workers at the corporate office for Mitchell Packaging.
“It’s like clockwork every time we get near the end of May.” says Tracie Burnam, head accountant for Mitchell Packaging. “Simon wears his scarves even when winter is over. As the spring days get warmer and warmer, he gets sweatier and sweatier walking into the office in the early morning sun. By late May he’s a giant sweaty mess with disgusting pit stains at 6:45am and it’s then that we know spring is firmly underway and it’s time to plant my Azaleas.”
Tracie isn’t the only employee in the company to begrudgingly appreciate Simon.
“The first year he was working here,” says sales person Adam Ward, “there was a day when he had finally had enough of the heat and actually walked from his car to his desk without a shirt on but still wearing his scarf. He was immediately called into HR and informed that it wasn’t appropriate work attire. He said that he had every intention to put a shirt on once he was at his desk and that it was just the walk across the parking lot where he got overheated. They said no so it’s been sweatsville ever since. Which is fine, because it reminds me that I only have 6 months left until Christmas and I’m a very early shopper. I like to get it out of the way.”
Some co-workers are more vocal about their distaste in Simon’s choices in seasonal attire.
“Once summer starts up,” says receptionist Carly Richards, “Simon really goes in for partying hard all weekend long. It’s even worse when there’s a game on Sunday because he come in Monday with eyes as red as his sunburnt and sweat covered skin. A few of us have a little rhyme about it even: ‘Late May Sweat Glaze Bring June Booze Haze.’ It’s super gross.”
We asked Carly if Simon provided a marker for any other seasonal changes. “Well, I guess we can tell when fall is around the corner because he reeks so bad of beer sweats built up over the months that I can smell him before he even opens the second set of entry way doors. It’s really disgusting. He tries to tell us that it’s his scarf that smells and that he can’t wash it because it means they would lose. Whatever. It’s gross. But, you know, at least I know that when I can smell him before I see him it’s time to start thinking about back to school shopping. “
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Simon signifies the changing of Fall into Winter by wearing a Chelsea scarf he bought at the Sports Authority Going out of Business Sale.