Seattle, WA - The minority owner of the Seattle Sounders, Joe Roth, called a press conference on Monday to discus his views on, "Panamanian cocaine merchants and their cut up product delivered by Cubans" as a distraction away from recent events.
"They say the best way to get over one scandal is create a different one," said a gleeful Roth to The Nutmeg News on Monday. "So I figure that I'll just go back to the well of stupid things that I said in order to distract everyone from Obafemi Martins potentially leaving for China and the hiring of Keith Costigan."
While primarily focusing on the aforementioned Panamanian coke merchants, reportedly Roth will also discuss his feelings on Donald Trump, his feelings on SigiOUT, and whether or not there should be a remake of Taxi Driver with Vin Diesel.
"We are just getting started here," stated Roth to an agog audience. "Just wait til I talk about race relations, age restrictions in soccer, pay to play and Eddie Johnson. By the time I'm done with this press conference you won't even remember what to be upset about! Also, shout out to Sounder At Heart commentator Fnarf for his terrible comments about me. Get bent, Fnarf!"
The Nutmeg News will have more on this when Joe Roth decides to talk about Guatemalan players who get involved with beauty pageant contestants.