Whitecaps Fan Quits Social Media Til MLS Cup Is Over

VANCOUVER - Caught between a rock and a pile of poo, Vancouver Whitecaps fan Hannah Strandon quit social media until MLS Cup was over stating, "The last thing I'm going to do is be inundated with bullshit about two teams I hate all week long."

NO. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. NO.

NO.

NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.

NO.

With both the Seattle Sounders and Toronto FC making it to MLS Cup, Whitecaps fans are in a more precarious position than nearly other fanbase of simply detesting both the teams that are playing for the second highest honor in Major League Soccer other than the annual Clark Hunt Allocation Bowling-For-Virtual-Cash trophy.

Strandon spoke to The Nutmeg News about her frustrations, on Friday, as she nervously picked up and set down her phone. 

"I had to delete Twitter and Facebook from my apps, but Facebook keeps coming back. Every time I turn on social media it's another post with another team I hate lifting a trophy. This is just the worst.... the WORST. I'm planning on just working and not checking anything til two weeks after MLS Cup. That's the only way I can make it through the next few weeks without smashing my phone to smithereens. It's really been two straight years of this shit, and I'm just tired."

Reportedly, Strandon is also upset at the Whitecaps themselves for enabling this perfect storm of poo by not being competitive enough to make it to the final.

"If we had a more competitive team, we wouldn't even BE in the circumstance. Tell me why I have to watch Portland, then Seattle and TFC make it to the cup final, Carl Robinson. TELL ME WHY?!."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Strandon picks up her phone and logs into Facebook to see a picture of Ozzie Alonso and Sebastian Giovinco holding their trophies before realizing what she was doing.