PHILADELPHIA - Police in Philadelphia are reportedly unsure as to their necessary level of preparedness for the US Open Cup Final on Wednesday Night.
"We here in Philly have some tough fans. Everyone remembers the 2008 riots after the Phillies won the Championship," said Chief of Police Charles H. Ramsey " But honestly I don't even know what a US Open Cup is..... I thought that was a Tennis or Golf event."
Ramsey admits that if the Eagles were playing in the Superbowl that the team would be increasing city police security to heights not seen before. "Yeah, if the Eagles were playing we would have patrols, blockades and officers ready to go in riot gear. I'll be honest though, I'm not even sure where this Philadelphia team plays. I mean, does anyone actually care enough about soccer to flip a car?"
While Ramsey said that the police aren't preparing complete riot scenarios they are taking measure to protect themselves, just in case.
"We ordered a few surface to air missiles, some tanks, 46 drones, and an anti-aircraft system utilizing the Union game as the justifying reason. So honestly, we may have to deploy a few drones and shoot a few bean bags to make this jive for the accountants."
The Nutmeg News will have more information on this after everyone figures out they would need to go to Chester to stop the potential riotous celebrations.