Simon Borg Rides USWNT Parade Float So That Appropriate Soccer Fans Will Be Represented

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer blowhard Simon Borg announced, today, that he would ride on a USWNT float during the MLS SUCCESS AND WORLD DOMINATION CELEBRATION OF OTHER STUFF AND OH YEAH THOSE WOMEN THAT DID SOME STUFF IN CANADA parade in order to have an appropriate fan displayed so that people wouldn't be turned off.

"It was important for me to show that the people who should be supporting soccer (that is old men) are still supporting soccer in this country. If a nation of people only saw women they would know that this is crap because women cannot be supporters. Women should be in the kitchen making pies and talking about tea, not supporting soccer. Without men in women's soccer it will never grow to the appropriate level."

Borg, who was once suspended by Major League Soccer for making ignorant comments on women who watch and support soccer, said that while he personally dislikes the women's game that it is up to men to bring the sexiness to the sport in any way possible.

"Women should be seen and not heard. I should be heard and seen. It's the best of both possible worlds. I'm here to show that I'm here and that I should be heard. I'm also here to tell all those women out there that are cheering for soccer and painting their faces and rooting for sports that this is all dramatically unsexy. We need more sexy. I am that sexy. I bring the sexy."

While there were reports of complete apathy towards that bald and bearded dude that was riding on a float waving at an army of people he categorically insulted just recently, one fan was not so apathetic, "He's a dick, and he can go fuck himself" said Carlotta Smith.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as it happens.