LOS ANGELES - After a question answer session on twitter that developed a lot of questions and zero answers, Los Angeles FC admitted that they really have no clue what they are doing.
"Yeah, um.... We don't have a fucking clue." said director of Public Relations and Hot Dog Eating Competition coordinator Mickey Rivera. "We OWN the idea of a club, but we are really relying on what happens elsewhere to develop this club. We have begun to have meetings but getting all of our investors to agree on anything is a bit difficult. We had a 2 hr meeting about gender pronouns and the way in which we interact in developing our human resources department and the identity of socio-political norms as it pertains to our hiring policy. We aren't even close to being able to actually do anything."
Veteran Major League Soccer (MLS) observer Rick Dulworth agrees, "Yeah, this has 'late to the party' written all over it. Tons of money doesn't buy you business acumen. These guys have a better chance of developing a cold than a club strategy at this point."
TNN spoke with LAFC branding expert and Venice beach rollerskater Charlie Cranston about the business strategy of LAFC, "At this point we are all about branding, developing the brand, developing our vertical integration of core philosophies in relations to the brand and developing our idea about what idea we are giving to our cross promotions team about our brand. At this point all we can say is that we are going to open a nightclub called 'DOMINGO' just outside of Malibu that will serve as a center where you can learn about LAFC opening up a nightclub called DOMINGO. It's all very meta, you wouldn't understand."
Cranston turned up some house music and popped some champagne, "at this point you could shit in one hand and show LAFC's strategy in the other and you would only end up with one thing. A totally wicked nightclub experience! COME ON OUT TO DOMINGO!"