Children Pledging Allegiance To The US Men's National Team

Tuscon, AZ - Border towns across the southern United States have implemented a new classroom pledge of allegiance in an effort to create unity in the classroom, raise national pride, and create an indoctrination process for young children that plants support for the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT) firmly into their psyche. The official pledge is as follows:

"I pledge allegiance to the Men’s National Team of the United States of America. And to the unity for which it stands, one team, under Klinsmann, with Dempsey and Omar for us.”

The pledge has been having some unintended consequences as Ava O’Conner, a fifth grade teacher at Alabaster Elementary School in Tucson, Arizona discovered. “We have always told the kids that if they see something, say something. I used to think that the kids really aren’t paying attention to us but Jared Weiss, one of my fifth graders, proved me wrong.”

The Nutmeg News talked to Jared about what transpired. “Well, when we were doing the pledge I noticed that this one kid, Miguel, wasn’t saying Dempsey and Omar but was replacing their names with  Hernandez and Ochoa. I didn’t really think anything about it at first until I looked up the names on my phone and learned that they were players for Mexico’s national team. I told my friends Jimmy and Mike and then word spread really fast.”

“I found a group of about fifteen kids surrounding Miguel at recess the next day,” says O’Connor. “As I walked over I could see that they were pushing Miguel back and forth between each other chanting ‘Dos a Cero! Dos a Cero!’ I let it go for a minute before finally intervening. I broke up the scuffle and then marched him straight to the principals office and had his parents called in. Well it turns out they were actually illegal immigrants and they were all arrested and sent back home to Mexico. We decided to give Jared extra recess for a week.”

The Nutmeg News talked with Jared’s father, Marco, who was very proud of his son. "All the kids need to understand that if they want to be part of this country they have to support this country’s national team. This is God’s country and God’s soccer team. You’re in America now. We call them jerseys, fields, and goalies. If you can’t speak American Soccer you can just go back to your own country.”