Shocking Admission As Commissioner Of MLS Reveals That Approximately 28 People Are Watching CF Montreal Games On Apple TV

Austin, TX - At a packed press conference in the wake of Major League Soccer’s board of governors meeting earlier, Commissioner Don Garber revealed that approximately 28 people are watching CF Montreal games on Apple TV.

Q2 Stadium. (REUTER)

Stating, “we felt we needed to share more information,” Garber indicated that 12 to 28 people on average are watching CF Montreal games as they play out the rest of the 2025 season.

“A special shoutout to Martin V,” stated Garber to the collected press. “He’s one of the few who have actually watched every single game. We see you and we appreciate you.”

Sources say that the usually tight lipped commissioner felt that he needed to push back on the nobody is watching rumors by illustrating that, in fact, dozens of people were watching.

“These are strong numbers for Montreal and we feel like they are trending up,” state Garber.

The Nutmeg News will have more as Montreal institutes another rebrand.

FIFA Announces President Trump As 2025 Club World Cup Champion

FIFA (the international criminal and money laundering organization) announced, today, that it awarded United States President Donald Trump the official 2025 Club World Cup Champion.

“Glorious leader President Trump defeated the merciless communist team from Paris,” stated the communique sent out to the press. "All hail the achievements of the President.”

Sources say that President Trump had the Club World Cup trophy taken to the White House to be used as a McFlurry Fountain for an upcoming state dinner.

“President Trump scored 6 goals and gave up none against PSG,” stated the official communication. “He was awarded the Golden Ball and the Golden Shoe. He also won the Gold Cup and will get a bye in the first round of the World Cup.”

The Nutmeg News hails the exploits of the Glorious Leader.