INTERNET - Pedantic soccer fan Gerald Way announced that he was ready to argue about a four word descriptor from a 2000 word team summation of the Philadelphia Union by commenting on the story, “Total fabrication if you believe he was a fringe national team player,” on Thursday.

SOMEONE IS WRONG. SOMEONE IS VERY WRONG.

Way reportedly took to the comment section of the piece, Twitter and Reddit to restate his objection to the four words of , “Fringe national team player,” to describe Union midfielder Ilsinho as he struck out at MLS and Journalists as a whole.

“Ilsinho is NOT a fringe national team player, he barely has any experience and will not be called up any time in the future,” ranted Way to the Twitter account of writer Quinten “@jeffersonMLS” Jefferson who logged on to his account in the morning after taking his daughter to school to see 46 notifications and two Twitter threads. “This is just an example of journalists without any knowledge of the game infecting the entirety of the North American soccer experience with their stupidity.”

Jefferson stated that he added the term to describe Ilsinho since he did play with Brazil during the Olympics and two friendlies, however this knowledge did nothing to calm Mr. Way or his plethora of fans that attacked Mr. Jefferson with ferocious intensity.

“If we cannot trust our so-called journalists with writing complete and accurate information on the franchises that they cover, then we cannot expect them to cover the sport objectively,” ranted Way in the Comments section of the piece. “This piece is clearly full of falsehoods.”

For his part, Mr. Way was unable to accurately point out any other of these falsehoods in the piece, but he maintained that the other 1996 words in the 2000 word team summation must be incorrect due to this blatant exaggeration of Ilsinho’s abilities.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Way criticizes Jefferson for incorrectly guessing the winning team of a Champions League tie.

Kansas City, KS - Peter Vermes, today, issued draft orders for all men ages 18 through 25 as the injury crisis for Sporting Kansas City (SKC) deepens

“We had to cancel practice recently because we didn’t have enough able bodied men,” stated Vermes to The Nutmeg News. “It is time for all true patriots of Sporting Kansas City to come defend the motherland.”

Virtually all male Cauldron members, regardless of where they live, whether documented or undocumented, residing in the United States, who are 18 through 25, are required to register with Selective Service.

The law says men must register with Sporting Kansas City Selective Service within 30 days of their 18th birthday. That means men are required to register with SKC Selective Service sometime during the 30 days before their 18th birthday, their 18th birthday, and the following 29 days after their 18th birthday – that is a 60-day registration period.

“We will pull from our draft list and enter able bodied men with experience in the art of war into the lottery. There they will be assigned a number and from that we will draft men into the SKC Defense Corps of Engineers, the Overland Park Midfield Brigade and Vermes Forward Rangers,” stated one SKC insider.

Experts worry about the potential overreach that the Draft may create, but Vermes insisted this was the only way forward.

“We must defend our hallowed ground! Return, true patriots, to the land of your forebearers and pick up a shinguard and a ball! As George Patton said, ‘Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood'.’ We must not let the fear of not being able to play overcome the sense of duty to the badge.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as one SKC native considers dodging the draft by registering for a Canadian Premier League team.