Desperate Sports Parody Site The Nutmeg News wrote another column in a long line of columns on Landon Donovan, today, after the heroic United States striker made courageous comments about his dickhead coach.

TNN staff writers discuss how lame it is when professional athletes get all the girls.

Reportedly two of the staff writers (requisite NERDS) at The Nutmeg News talked to each other over their stale and cold pizza while drinking cans of Mountain Dew and playing Rocket League. The discussion went something like "Whoa, man. We should totally write this... um... like... Donovan thing.. Right?" To which they did indeed "Write this... um... like... Donovan thing" despite the strenuous interjection of legal and the ramifications of writing three Landon Donovan columns within a month span.

Staff writers at The Nutmeg News have reportedly been told that their attempts at writing a fourth Donovan column would be met with mass layoffs and a reduction in their Oreo and Sour Patch stocks as well as a removal of their Level 43 Night Elf World Of Warcraft character named Dicks MixARude.

The Nutmeg News will have more on The Nutmeg News when our Ombudsman starts writing about the horrible things we do all day.