Dallas, TX - After instituting Promotion/Relegation within his family circle, soccer fan Thomas Pearson stated that his second cousin Dale would be promoted to the Premier Family League after a particularly thoughtful holiday season.
Heading back up to the PFL!
"Dale will be joining the Premier Family League this next season and we couldn't be happier to see him go up," stated Pearson to The Nutmeg News.
Dale was relegated all the way to the Southern Texas Regional Division in the Non-Family League after a series of blunders back in the early 2000s when he brought then-girlfriend Monica Stephens to a Christmas party where she attempted to have a Chakra realignment session with his sister Deborah introducing her to a life time of crystal collection and holiday veganism.
"It was a tough holiday season but we had a great competition," stated Pearson.
"Aunt Josie was talking about how she was excited for an outsider last year which really had me thinking she'd be dropping off her standard in the Premier Family League. However, this year she came right out with 'I was wrong, I admit it. Lets just leave it be,' while really scaling back her annoying posts on Facebook. She pulled herself out of a relegation spiral in Mid-December by showing up with two delicious deserts when she needed them the most. However, my brother in law (who was already close to falling to the fourth division last year but makes a killer Pecan Pie) doubled down this season and showed up with a stupid ass frog hat. He never could get out of the relegation zone all season long and capped off his performance talking about his newfound love of the Houston Dynamo and their playoff run. He was relegated on the final day and now is in the blue square fourth Family league and only gets $10 gift card to Starbucks with a parachute payment of a Christmas Card for one season."
Pearson stated that other than his Cousin Dale, there will be two more promotions from the Championship Family Division as his Grandfather Isaac and his Brother Todd are in a playoff to see who will be promoted back to the Premier Family League after a season down a division.
"It's going to be an intense one day playoff, but there can only be one winner. Grandpa Isaac is starting to show his age, but his experience will count against Todd, who is a dick."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Pearson openly celebrates the relegation of his Third Cousin Ralph who spent far too long in the PFL resting upon his ability to park the bus and get Todd drunk.