NEW YORK - In an ode to soccer fans the world over, a new supporters' group formed on Black Friday to cheer for rampant capitalist consumption and the ways in which they would win the gift giving season.
Sporting scarves, two-sticks/two-poles and T.I.F.O, the Rockefeller Ultras showed up to their local Wal-Mart to support themselves as they attempted to make a complete ass of themselves on Friday morning for discounted deals on moderately shit televisions, computers without enough memory, and children's toys that will be discarded for the box in which it came.
"This whole thing started out of our love of scarves, designing scarves and singing things about ourselves," stated Rockefeller Ultras capo Davis Dillon. "We are here to support the boys, and by the boys I mean myself who wants some cool stuff I don't really need that I can’t afford and that will be instantaneously disposable in an effort to forget the overwhelming depression that this society rams home into your cell phone and computer."
Singing songs such as
"Weeeeeeeeee out spend you.. weeeeee out spend you...
you're shit at buy-ing gifts. "
and
"We've got bigger income-to-debt ratios than you......."
The Ultras began to ready their newly activated credit cards with the optional cash advance for the big day.
Last season, The Rockefeller Ultras displayed a T.I.F.O with the statement, "Here To Win - Here to Spend - Here to Dominate," with a picture of Rich Uncle Pennybags in Laurels from the Monopoly game.
"This is capitalism, not socialism. We are here to spend money we don't have on things we don't need to make people we hate (ourselves) unhappy about our choices at a later time. We plan on dominating the credit card signup game and pushing all the responsibility off to a later time so that we don't even have to think about it," stated Ultras member Sandy Tamver.
"This season is about giving so I plan on giving more than every other person out there. I'm going to give so much that everyone will recognize me for my giving. I'm going to Instagram, Twitter and Facebook my giving so that everyone knows how great a person I am. I'm going to give, give, give on every social media feed until people know that I'm the best giver, and the best at this gift getting thing. I’m going to give so much to myself that it’s going to take weeks of showing all the gifts I got myself on my Instagram page.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Rockefeller Ultras open charter membership in Los Angeles, Chicago, Portland, Seattle, Dallas, and every city in every state in the US.