Dallas, TX - Jerry Canover, soccer fan and moral arbiter of all things in the universe, reportedly was exceptionally disappointed in both the Harpos FC team and Detroit City FC fans for their actions after their US Open Cup games stating, "I'm not a fan of either of your teams, I barely follow the US Open Cup, none of you know me, I will never buy any of your merchandise, and I will never make it to any of your games, but I feel compelled to tell you online how disappointed you made me."
"I used to enjoy your antics, but I hope you understand how much you have disappointed me. You aren't Manchester United and you should feel bad because of this. Don't you know that soccer isn't about having fun? It's about pain and regret and slowly killing yourself with angst." - Jerry Canover
Reportedly, Canover was not following the annual tournament at all until he logged on to Reddit in the early hours of Thursday only to find that Harpos FC actually had a picture of their players drinking a beer in celebration and that the Detroit City FC fans rushed the field in celebration of their penalty kick victory over the Michigan Bucks.
"THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS," screamed Canover through his twitter account @DALInternetSoccerExprt. "How dare they enjoy themselves. Soccer is a dour affair where men must suffer and fans live in anguish and total subservience to the utter meaningless nature of their life. This life we live is hell upon earth and the only cleansing thing you can do to take things very seriously and live with my moral code imprinted upon your heartbeat until you die."
According to sources that know him, Canover is still frustrated that fans and teams that he doesn't know and don't care about him aren't beholden to his own personal viewpoints on North American Soccer, Major League Soccer, The US Open Cup and how to live a daily life.
"It's my way, full stop. And I'm going to ensure that I vocalize this every time some subjective rule of mine is broken in a major way online. The only way to ensure that people understand how wrong they are is by telling them this frequently in internet forums and social media."
The Nutmeg News will have more on as Mr. Canover takes Ventura County Fusion, Sacramento Gold, and Lansdowne Bhoys FC to task for failing to understand their place in the soccer world.