Seattle, WA - One win from a championship, Seattle Sounders fans are reportedly ready to seize the crown of insufferability from recently chastened Timbers fans as the Seattle Sounders roared back in to relevance.
“You merely adopted being insufferable. I was born in it, molded by it."
"We are going to be more obnoxious, more outlandish, more bombastic than ever before," stated lead prelate and assistant capo Andy Morehouse. "We might even actually sell out the whole stadium again for games! We are the great attendance leaders and future champions of Major League Soccer, all will bow to our might!"
The Nutmeg News spoke to Emerald City Supporters (ECS) member Jim Planter about this chance at a title and he had the following to say, "We were insufferable before all you news publications came about asking for interviews. We were there first, and we are making sure that we will be again. Where were you back in 2009 when Zakuani and Alonso and Montero and Levesque still roamed the park? NOWHERE. We were insufferable whether it was 7 years ago, or whether it is just now. Timbers fans could never seize our crown. They hate their own team too much to ignore the faults within. We will shun that path, except for the commentators on Sounders At Heart. Our team is the best!"
Reportedly fans were already reshaping the narrative of the club in the annals of world football as Planter stated that, "the Seattle Sounders are the single greatest Club in Major League Soccer history. Our trophy case is bursting with an MLS Cup, a Supporters Shield and four US Open Cups. We are the kings of the soccer world in North America and soon, the world. The only reason why Barcelona has more trophies is because they have been around longer than we have. There's no magic in Europe, but the magic is in our terraces with the lads bouncing to the Brougham beat. Cascadia is the new Catalonia and we are the masters of the world. Our Ultras.... our T.I.F.O ... our stadium.. our team... our city... there are no rivals. We are the inventors of song, of merriment, and of stadium crowd participation. That Iceland hand clap in the Euros? THAT WAS US. YOU ARE WELCOME, WORLD."
TNN reporters spoke to Timbers fan Tim Carswell who issued the following statement,
"well ........................................................ fuck.
Go Toronto"
The Nutmeg News will have more on this when Planter remembers that the Sounders still have to win one more game.