San Jose, CA - Mexican superstar Javier 'Chicharito' Hernandez announced that he was flattered and interested in the possibility of joining the San Jose Earthquakes but the player has requested that he never actually has to do anything in San Jose other than play there.

"I'm only moving there if I can live, play and do my charity volunteer work in San Francisco" said Hernandez on a conference call Wednesday. "I'll require a helicopter to take me to and from games and practice so I don't have to drive there either. It is important that I am able to convince myself that this move is a good one for myself by ensuring that I only have the perspective of San Francisco and nothing else."

While this acrimony by Hernandez towards San Jose may seem a bit extreme, former Earthquakes coach Frank Yallop fully understood. "No one wants to live in San Jose. No one."