LOS ANGELES - Landon Donovan, the best MLS player of all time, announced on Wednesday that he would consider a return to the United States national team provided that the games don't conflict with his planned trip to Burning Man in 2017.
"I'd love to return to the team and help out," stated Donovan to a collection of shoppers at Costco attempting to try his Landon Donovan signature BBQ Sauce.
"If Jurgen will come to his senses, I can guarantee we will qualify for the World Cup provided that the games aren't scheduled at the same time as my planned vacations.
Look, I'm the head of my playa art troupe. We are exposing the critical nature of the German ego through interpretive dance. I have to be there. We have a 30 foot tall sculpture of a man that vomits lies at you. It isn't representative of any one person in particular, though. I should definitely say that."
Donovan has reportedly been cozying up to Klinsmann by trying to assure him that he has very serious intentions of playing overseas, just as soon as he can find a European team willing to take a flier on a 34 year old American who hasn't played soccer in a year.
"We can try Bayer Leverkusen again," stated Donovan. "Or maybe Everton. I mean, they are shit right now, so they will likely take me back. They would also probably accept my need to go on my lads trip to Lake Havasu during their FA Cup run this season. I do need my Me time."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Donovan announces he would consider playing for Real Madrid, as well.