NEW YORK - A new protocol for fan control handed down from Major League Soccer ensures that the simple act of breathing is enough to warrant a one year ban as NYCFC fan Juan Nevarez was banned from all NYCFC games for one year simply for existing.
Reports came in earlier today from NYCFC group Los Templados that Mr Nevarez was banned for 1 year without possible appeal after being swept up with many others in the stadium by the NYPD for questions on purported fan violence. After not being charged, warned, ticketed or disciplined Mr Nevarez was allowed to return to his seat with the other fans, however he found that his simple act of being in the wrong place at the wrong time ran him afoul of the new Major League Soccer rules stating, "If a person exists and appears to have potentially or theoretically done something at all including breathing, they are subject to a one year ban."
The Nutmeg News spoke with Ray Whitworth, head of Major League Soccer security about the incident and he had the following to say, "What kind of last name is Nevarez, anyway? I tell you what, if he was questioned by the NYPD he is almost assuredly to have done something wrong even if they haven't charged him as doing anything. Under the new supporter sedition and simple existence act, which may or may not exist, we are allowed to prosecute him to the full length of our own law and we will do so. Plus, punishing fans is en vogue right now, and a lot of fun. Have YOU ever given a fan a one year ban? Just do it, it'll be fun."
Reportedly, NYCFC and Major League Soccer used Mr. Nevarez wedding where he was ensconced in NYCFC merchandise as a promotional tool only to ban him later fulfilling the methodology of utilizing smoke and pyro as marketing imagery only to ban those people later as well.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Major League Soccer reaches out to young Billy Toliver at his Bar Mitzvah to let him know that he is already banned from attending San Jose Earthquakes games for the rest of the year due to his longing looks at the supporters section.